She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
