my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
