Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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