I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
