jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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