dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
where are you?
Hypothermia
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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