I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
