Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
