i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
