just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
