I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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