I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
