I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You ate ashes out of my bong
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
