I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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