By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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