508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
