So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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