Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
