I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
COCAINE IS GR8
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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