he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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