This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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