yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My hand turned me down
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
