You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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