I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
