i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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