Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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