i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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