If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
