Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
