Tell her she can't have a vagina
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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