I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
