a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
