A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
