I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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