She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
