he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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