May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
