dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I love you. Go after that dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
