I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
