Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
