Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
