Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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