foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
