i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
