If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
