9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
