I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
