can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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