I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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