im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
