bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I sprained my soul last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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