It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
