DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
