I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
