At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you had me at cake vodka
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
