I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
