He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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