Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
