I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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