Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
