If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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