i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
