I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
