I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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