He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
