just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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