No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
third nipple confirmed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
