is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
