Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
