I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
