the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
