After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
