are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
