I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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