For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
