he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
