We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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